Tuesday, October 28 - LeBron's Day Out

LeBron James figured it was in his best interest to celebrate at the award winning Cheesecake Factory, for some award winning cheesecake, after winning his outstanding award at the NCAA Championships. He arrives in his stretch limousine, except his gas light has been on for the past ten miles; he will surely be stuck here for good. He orders the Slammin' Jammin' Cheesecake, as the final score to win the championships was an award winning slam dunk from the master himself. In his small satchel, he holds hundreds of packs of signature Lightning Lemonade LeBron James bubble gum, to hand out to everyone, since he feels generous after such a long night. It is going to be a good night.

Upon devouring three Slammin' Jammin' Cheesecakes whole, LeBron believes it is time to go home to his wife and continue the celebration. Walking up to his limousine, he remembers there is not much gas left and will have to try hard to make it to a gas station. Turning the keys, the car lets out a loud burp and shuts off. He used the rest of the gas to start it up; there's nothing left to get him anywhere. He ponders for a moment and realizes a portion of the money he has accumulated has gone into research and development of  Lightning Lemonade LeBron James bubble gum, and has more uses to it than chewing. Long ago, before Lightning Lemonade LeBron James bubble gum was discontinued, and the study of Ethanol being used for car fuel began to surface, the LeBron James Institute secretly began conducting experiments to synthesize Lightning Lemonade LeBron James bubble gum to be used as car fuel. This is the very reason Lightning Lemonade LeBron James bubble gum was discontinued, it was to be a secret source of easily  manufactured fuel for a certain group of LeBron's associates and close friends.

"No! I've given away all of my signature named Lightning Lemonade LeBron James bubble gum, and have no source of fuel for my signature Stretchin' LeBron James Limousine!" LeBron James cries aloud. "My generosity has led me nowhere and my only source of fuel is in the mouths of those who I now hate most."

Luckily, the LeBron James Institute has planted tracking devices in each piece of Lightning Lemonade LeBron James bubble gum. LeBron James pulls out his cell phone and calls his most trusted scientists to track down everyone whom he handed Lightning Lemonade LeBron James bubble gum out to, so he may then reclaim what was once his and drive home to his beloved wife.

Hours pass by and it is quite late in the night. A helicopter flies overhead and drops a care package next to the limousine. Opening the package reveals packs and packs of Lightning Lemonade LeBron James bubble gum, all of which have been in LeBron's hands earlier that night. Chewed gum also resides in the package, some covered in blood, for those who put up a fight.

"Thank you strangers," He speaks to himself. "Without your courage and valor, I would never make it home to celebrate my achievements with my beloved wife."

He slides the gum into the fuel tank and drives home with ease, smelling like a giant dank lemon while doing it.

The End

Monday, October 27 - Fairy Tale Name Poem

F    Favorable
R    Reliable
O    Omniscient
G    Greatest

P    Pacifistic
R    Rationalistic
I    Imaginative
N    Nonchalant
C    Capable
E    Ebullient

Friday, October 24 - X Marks the Spot

Yarr, these be the sea dog days of me life, Captain Rhubarb, Salty Joe and I been searching these parts for weeks looking for the buried treasure. Not too long ago my crew pillaged a small, puny ship and recovered a treasure map deep in the hull and we been searching ever since. The island where X marks the spot be just dead ahead and we arrr moments away from being rich.
"Yo ho ho matees, we are minutes away from breaking our backs from relentless digging." Rhubarb exclaims.
We have landed and we run off the ship as quickly as our wooden peg legs allow us, spades in hand. A huge red X marks the spot just on the shore and we begin excavatin'. Hours pass and we only be maybe six feet deep, and Salty Joe is feeling far too salty.
"Captain, me needs a break!" Joe asks Rhubarb.
"Yarr, you be resting on the job, and you'll get no cut from this treasure!" Rhubarb carefully explains.
Salty Joe does not rest and continues working hard, and eventually, a think is heard from the hole being dug, and shovels start moving twice as fast. In no time, the huge treasure chest is visible and all three of us pull it out.
"It's so beautiful, imagine the precious riches in this chest, ye mateys!" Salty Joe cries out!
All three gathered around the found of the chest, we open it slowly, with anticipation.
"What is this foul treachery, there be no booty in here, just gold coins!" I say.
"This chest is full of nothing from diamonds and gems and doubloons!" Captain Rhubarb screams.
As it turns out, this chest was overflowing with wealth, but not what we be looking for, we've spent weeks looking for booty and not even on a deserted island is there such a thing. We scurvy dogs go home empty handed now.
Life as a butt pirate ain't easy.

Thursday, October 23 - That's punny!

On the boat that John and Sam were arguing at, things started to get heated.

"Seariously Sam, water you doing?"

"Well, you sea John, I couldn't reely tell you, I don't even know."

"Everything you've been herring about this treasure in the ocean is all fake."

"I've at least got to find some porpoise in my life, it's got to be here."

"I completely trout you'll ever find it Sam, you're krilling our entire weekend by wasting time on this."

"Whale, just give me a few more minutes, I've just been trying to find it bassed on this poorly drawn map."

"Okay, I will give you one last oppor-tuna-ty to look for it."

And so they went on like this and did not find the treasure.

The end.

Tuesday, October 21 - Déjà Vu

Caroline studied the old man carefully. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but something about him reminded her of someone else. But who?

Perhaps the reason is because she has been waiting at the DMV for quite a few hours now. In the delusional state of mind we all receive from being at the DMV, she probably is using her own imagination to cure the boredom she is undergoing. She carefully examines the man and notices the faint scar on his left cheek that she so vividly remembers, and comes to the conclusion that it is not all in her head, she has seen this man before, but the questions of who he is and she's seen him remain a mystery. He is far too old for her to have interacted with him at any part of her life. 

The man is then called up to the desk for whatever it is he came for and swiftly leaves making short eye contact with Caroline. She is called next and then leaves having more questions to be unanswered. The Déjà vu she experience baffles her even more when she sees the man yet again walking on the sidewalk of the street she was driving on. She can’t recall a time ever having met him in this part of town, so she is now under the suspicion that he is following her. Déjà vu is no longer a plausible explanation, at least in her eyes, and now sleeps with all the doors locked.

She is feeling deception and is currently going crazy. The phenomenon that occurred made this lady a psychopath and therefore she is now living in a psychiatric ward to spend the rest of her days until she gets better. Her caretaker is none other than the old man with a scar on his left cheek. 

Thursday, October 16 - RAIN

Rain is something unavoidable, and it seems to happen at the times you don't want it to pour. Rain is extremely relaxing if it's the soft, almost misty precipitation that just tingles on contact with your skin. There are probably a hundred million different outcomes when water falls from the sky, one of which is the dreaded sideways rain, where not even an umbrella can save you. Hot days with the combination of heavy rainfall result in insane humidity, but sometimes it will cool you off. Heavy rain can kill; it blinds, slicks the roads, makes it hard to hear, and sometimes just hurts on contact. I believe this is the rain that nobody enjoys, unless it is enjoyed in the safety of your house. How can it be that something we need so desperately can also kill us so easily?
Rain helps the environment and helps balance the cycle that water undergoes. It fills streams and holes to provide water for animals exploring around. Without it, our necessary food crops such as corn, wheat, and potatoes could not be grown. Rain is a necessity.
I had recently gotten a metal roof installed on my house, and had high hopes that rain would come quickly, which it did not for at least a week. Metal roofs make rain sound completely different, it soothes and relaxes you to the point of sleep. However, the installation of the roof was built over the old one. That being said, it means my roof is completely insulated, I hardly hear anything at all! I can no longer look at rain the same way, it is despising. I could blame the insulated roof, but since I can do nothing about that, I blame the rain not beating down hard enough.

Wednesday, October 15 - I remember when...

I remember when the Great Ebola outbreak of 2014-2015 wiped out a portion of West Africa and many thousands of people from first-world countries began showing symptoms. Sanitization of public areas promptly began after the disease spread from Texas going outwards. People are being forced to stay indoors, and work at home if possible. The fear had embedded into many peoples' heads that going in the outside world could result in contamination. Rumors have twisted the facts of the disease and no one really knows who to trust. Coughing in public will have heads turn towards you, and everyone keeps safe distances from each other at many times. People come into contact with dozens of other people a day and the common symptoms make it hard to spot at first. It is now the fashion statement to wear stylish gloves and face masks to not only protect yourself, but look good at the same time. Who knew such a deadly thing could cause a fashion uproar? Donations of money at a philanthropic level have helped contain the disease for the long run, but the fear and confusion runs deeper.

Friday, October 10 - Pet Peeve

My biggest pet peeve would be driving on a two or more lane road and any cars behind me merge into the next lane just to get in front of me and then decelerate to an even slower speed than both of us were initially going. What on earth would give you the drive to do such a dastardly deed? Many people are in a hurry these days and disregard anyone else besides themselves just to cause trouble, or perhaps they don't even know what jerks they are being. Cars weaving other cars in-transit because they feel the need to go fast, and it's extremely reckless. There's nothing you can do about pet peeves though, besides complain about them.

Tuesday, October 7 - The Flip Side

"Catch you on the flip side." I said to my friend,
Interpreted literally is not what I intend.
He went of to camp for quite some time,
And we heard news of something not so sublime.
The last day of camp he went out for a drive,
Literally flips his car, that stupid old chive.
I now know to watch what I say,
Since it will literally be a lot of dismay.



It was time for tacos on this Friday night,
So I took some friends to fix our appetite.
It was a quiet night on that empty back road,
So I figured no animal was there to goad.
Little to my surprise, here comes a raccoon,
I tried to avoid him but I saw him too soon.
A jerk to the right sends my car on its back,
It flips over and everything turns black.
I look down to see that my hand is bleeding,
I have no more fingernails, the car on top of me is impeding.
I should have died, it doesn't made sense,
At least this ambulance ride will now commence.

Monday, October 6 - Persona Poem

It is now early in the morning,
And those footsteps I hear are my warning.
They are finally up, and now I can go inside.
The door opens and in I slide.
They pick me up and stroke my fur forever.
I'm used to it, so it is something I endeavor.
They worship me like I am God.
Because not a thing about me is flawed.
It is almost that time of day,
Where I receive my milk for being a cute Bombay.
The fridge opens and I squeak with joy.
Everyone around me gasps and turns; it is all part of my ploy.
It's the only way they give me a few drips.
And now I frivolously lick my lips.
It's good to be me.
It's time to go climb a tree.

Thursday, October 2 - The Frog Prince

Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess in a lovely kingdom. She was so lovely that everyone wanted to wed her so they could have a lovely family in their own lovely castle. Sadly, for the other men in the kingdom, the princess was only interested in people of amphibian descent. She thought that frogs, specifically, were the most lovely of creatures. The following morning, she set out for the forest to find a sweet amphibian that would suit her nicely.

Morning had arrived and she began her quest. Hours of walking later, she found herself the clearest pond in the all of the forest and thought that this would be perfect.

"Sweet frogs that reside deep in this forest, show yourself, for I have the most wonderful of propositions!" She spoke aloud.

Minutes pass by and a big frog with a golden crown pops out of the small body of water. 

"Speak, for you have awoken the Frog Prince, you lovely lady." The Frog Prince announces.

"I wish to marry the most lovely of amphibians and you seem to have awoken at the most perfect of times." The Princess replies with courage.

"You fool, I am Prince of the Frogs. My duty is to rule over all frogs one day. What on earth are you even thinking, you are a human, I am a frog, do the math." The Frog Prince hastily retorts.

The Princess slowly realizes how dumb she is and realizes how much time she has wasted walking into this forest, the humidity has ruined her hair, she has missed lunch, and a Frog has indirectly called her stupid. 

"Very well then, I realize the errors of my way and will return from whence I came. But before I go, I would like a kiss." She politely demands.

"Oh my Frog, what is wrong with you woman? Very well, I will fulfill this simple request." He agrees.

The two kiss on the lips and she apologizes for wasting his time. He enjoyed the kiss so much, that he gives her a lily pad to remember him by, his very first one from when he was just a tadpole. He jumps back into the pond to catch up on his sleep and the Princess turns back to go home. She fixes her hair, has a big lunch, and then goes to bed. They all lived happily ever after.

THE END

Wednesday, October 1 - Fairy Tale Characters

Three bad piggies is what we be,
Causing trouble, and we do it for free.
Vandalizing much of the forest for fun,
And the best about the proof is there is none!

Our houses stand tall,
And they hold everything we've stolen above all.
No one blames the pigs,
They blame the wolf for missing twigs.

The bricks for my brother's house are needed,
To the town's builder is where he pleaded.
While they were busy squawking,
I took the bricks that he was hogging.

We flourish in many riches,
Even got brand new britches.
Mostly because we like to steal,
It is fine, so long as there is not a single squeal.